Love is blind to many things. Giving care is not one of them. But how do you show consideration to a partner who may suffer from anxiety? I am that partner.
It has complicated our lives and put love to the test. Here are a few items that have provided a guideline for my wife to help me.
Set Aside Fixing Attitude
My wife is an engineer. She is used to organizing items into a logical pattern. Anxiety does not fit into a logical pattern. Like many wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, and lovers, she does not and cannot play the role of a therapist.
Her assistance through tough times and her expectations are unique to our marriage. She knows that she cannot treat me, but she can support me.
She does not try to analyze and fit me into her expectations, and she does not expect a particular behavior.
She refrains from advising unless I ask for it. She knows that advice, especially during low periods, just makes me more anxious and upset.
Rise Above Logic
Setting aside logic is a difficult task for her as a trained engineer born with a logical mind. She does not try to find or provide a perfectly reasonable explanation of why fear and anxiety have no real foundation.
She knows that anxiety and feelings are tied together. A logical explanation, in this case, blocks expressions of feelings and invalidates them.
Instead, she listens when I talk and support me in exploring my feelings and expressing them. She may ask my help to understand why I feel certain about something. She does not ask to have a comeback; she asks to understand. I can tell the difference.
Her open-hearted listening helps me relax.
Honesty Above All
She knows that I hate any deception. I am an extreme. I value honesty above life. She does not try to shield me from bad news. If there is a problem, she lets me know and asks for my help.
Anxiety and depression have enough of a negative impact on my self-worth. Seeing that I can help in a way, even though small, helps me tremendously.